- God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he decides to create a companion for man as well. He comes to see Adam and says to him, "Adam, you are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and foot and obey your every command, she will be beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg." Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, "What could I get for a rib?"
- Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked."This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded."Wait," yelled Jesus. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head. "Aw, c'mon, Dad..." Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"
- When a woman decided to send the old family Bible to her brother in another state, the postal worker asked her if there was anything breakable in the package. "Only the Ten Commandments," she replied.
- One day, two planes land at an airport. President George W. Bush gets out of one. A man wearing a white robe gets out of the other and starts walking away. The President catches up to him, and says, "Excuse me sir. Are you Moses?" the man keeps walking. The president follows him. "Excuse me sir. Are you Moses. The man keeps on walking. The president runs ahead of the man and stops him, repeating himself once more. "Excuse me sir. Are you Moses. finally, the man stopped and replied, "Yes, but the last time i talked to a bush i ended up wandering the desert for 40 years."
- A student was sitting outside his university classroom, reading God's Word, when his atheistic professor walked by and happened to hear the student exclaim, "Wow! Praise the Lord!" Intrigued, the professor asked the student what had him so excited. "Well," the student replied, "I just read how God parted the waters of the Red Sea so the Hebrews could pass to safety." The professor calmly explained that in actuality there was a mistranslation and the Reed Sea where the crossing actually took place was, at that time of year, only about three inches deep. Confident he had handled the situation, the professor went to retrieve something from his office. Upon his return a minute or two later, he again passes the student as once more he loudly exclaims,"Wow! Praise the Lord!" Interested, the professor asks the student what is so fascinating this time. The student responds, "I just read how God drowned the entire Egyptian army in three inches of water!"
- A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. he didn't want her to walk with him, and she wanted to give him a feeling of independence. but she also wanted to know that he was safe.When she expressed her concern to her neighbour, Shirley offered to follow him to school every morning for a while, staying at a distance so he wouldn't notice. Shirley said that since she was up early with her toddler anyways, it will be a good way for them to get some exercise. All week long, Shirley and her daughter followed Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbourhood girl. As the two children walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's friend said,'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her? Timmy replied, 'Yes, I know who she is. That's my mom's friend Shirley Goodnest and her little girl Marcy'.
Shirley Goodnest? Why is she following us? Well, Timmy explained, every night my mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all days of my life. I guess I'll just have to get used to it.
- Two painters had been painting houses for over a year,and it was going too slow,and they were very frustrated. One day one of the painters came up to the other and said." You know,I've been thinking,we really haven't accomplished much in a year's work,and it's just going too darn slow. I have an idea. How about we thin our paint out with water, and that way it will go faster and farther."Sounds like a good idea to me",said the other. So,they went on like this for another year or so,when one day one of the painters came to the other and said." I have been feeling very convicted about what we're doing,and I think we should repaint all the houses that we thinned out with water" "All the houses!",said the other."Are you crazy?" Why the sudden conviction?" "Well",the painter replied."Last night I was sleeping soundly,when all of a sudden I was awakened by this nine foot angel standing by the foot of my bed. I was so scared,I couldn't speak. But the angel,He pointed one giant finger at me and said,"Repaint you thinner,and go a thin no more."
- These two Married couple were arguing who is making the coffee, the wife said in the Bible that men should make the coffee and the husband replied saying no its not, show me and the wife said its HEBREWS
- Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A. Ruth-less.
- Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A: Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!
